I was once visiting a patient in hospital. The family were round his bedside, unsure of what to say, they asked if I would pray. In the prayerful silence I felt something spiritually stir in the room which became alive with a waiting expectation. As I laid my hand on his head, I prayed that God would welcome him home and within 10 seconds, the man breathed his last breath.
As we become the Divine Midwife’s assistants, we open up our senses to be more aware of our surroundings and the sense of peace which emerges. The family noticed the change in our environment, and felt totally at peace.
Before the NHS was born, death was common in the home, and once a person died, the lady who lived three doors down from you, would come, wash the body, and lay them out for the undertaker. Death was as natural as giving birth, however hospitals emerged and were focused on wellness, not taking care of people who near the end of life. Hence families have forgotten how to react or behave when someone dies, whether it’s at home, hospital, hospices or care homes.
As Death Doulas, we teach that death is a natural process, and give confidence to actually be with the person who is dying, not to be fearful but to stay by their side. We answer questions with honesty and enable the person to die with grace.
For everyone involved in the death and dying process, support is always given and warmly received. So another role of mine, as an End-of-Life Doula, is teaching, informing people about good practice of companionship in the final stages of a person’s life, and partnerships with local NHS palliative care teams to provide good End-of-Life care in my area.
The Divine Midwife of Death is always at work, so as an assistant, I centre myself ready to be used.
How do you behave and react when someone we love is dying?
Prayer
God of Grace,
as I centre myself before you, I offer:
my heart to feel empathy and compassion
my mouth and lips to speak words of love
my eyes to witness the transforming birthing from life to death
my ears to listen to gentle murmurs of untold stories
and myself to be guided in what to say and do.
Allow me Lord to gently nestle on the wave of your heartbeat
knowing that the work of being your Divine Midwife assistant is never over.
Amen